Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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