Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
