I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
