Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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