i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
