Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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