How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
