How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
