Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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