So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
