with your own penis?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hippo gnu deer
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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