considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
