I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
