i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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