wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
