whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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