I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
