Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
zippers are such a cool invention
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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