"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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