ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
