I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
