I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
