Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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