Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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