He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
