Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You can't just leave with hair like that
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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