I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Someone shattered a urinal.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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