I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
