I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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