somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
