hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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