my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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