moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
