remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
