I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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