I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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