im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
