So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
