Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
