I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He felt like a one man threesome
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
