Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
