Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
