Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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