I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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