Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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