Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
