I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
