Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You left your underwear on the fireplace
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
