Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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