K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You can't special order awesome
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
