no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
