so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
