You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
