I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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