good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
