The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
