how can u be prego again
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
