I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
